Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Oleg's Big Adventure (Part III)

I have started this story exactly 3 months ago… but have been thrown off track. Now, that I have more vacations, I could bother finishing it. So this is where the story gets interesting. In the last part, I said that I will use my calculator as a laser to blast a hole in the wall. You might be wondering what happens next. Today’s Theme: Larger than Life.

I will walk out of the hole. Except I wouldn’t be walking out, I would be dropping out. Yes, dropping out - clouds will be all around me. Clouds will be under me. In fact, I will be standing on a cloud. Then I will notice that the cloud is made out of cotton candy. 100% sugar. One day its going to rain. And when it does, I will float down to earth and land on a cactus. I would get mad and kick the cactus. This would be a dumb idea, as I will regret it later. A little later, actually.

Anyways, forget all that, I will be in some desert (didn’t I just say it was raining). It would be very hot (hotter than it is now). I will immediately start thinking about survival. I would realize that I don’t have any water, but thats okay, because I got the coke.

After a day of wandering around the hot desert, I will find a giant conveyer belt. I will get on. It will be zooming at high speeds. After riding for 5 minutes, my head would start spinning. Then, I would realize that it goes in circles. Remembering that I don’t have much longer to live, I will pull out my handy-dandy calculator, and find the circumference. It would happen to be approximately 40,000 kilometers. I would realize that as the diameter of the Earth. That would mean I am on the equator.

Then, I realize that soon when the land would end, I will be cruisin’ the ocean floors. Realizing that wouldn’t be a fun experience, I jump off. The centripetal force would carry me far forward… and I will bump into a sign. It would say 50 KPH max. Then, I will see the Ice Cream Man. But he wouldn’t have any ice cream. He would turn out to be an undercover police officer and chase me to deliver my first speeding ticket.

I will quickly blind him with my flash light, and then get away on my balloon. Except that it would be in the shape of football, and instead of going home… I would be flying into space… more to come next time!

Posted by Oleg Ivrii, 09:29 PM / Comments (3)

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Oleg's Big Adenture (Part II)

Today, I continue with my big adventure. This is part 2 (of 3). The title suggests that it is a big adventure, and indeed it is. That is why its going to take THREE parts. Today's Theme: Being resourceful.

Yesterday, I said that I will build a balloon, eat cake and play video games. I also said that I will dig a hole in the ground and defeat the legendary The Gamer's Man. Now for more.

So, I will come to the room with treasure... Now, treasure is usually found in chests. And what do you know? In the middle of the room, there would be a nice, big (and pretty heavy) chest. But unfortunately, it won't be filled with treasure. When I will reach to open it, a big red rubber punchie will fly out and hit me in the head. This will knock me down backwards and I will fall on a switch triggering a trap door. Behind the door - a staircase - and I will roll down the staircase.

Now, this would be a pretty stupid thing to do. Of course, I have not done it (yet). But knowing this (would happen) in advance, I should be smart and avoid this whole trip altogether. Except, sometimes I am not. Well, lets put it this way: I have tendency to get into trouble. And if this won't happen one way, it would probably happen another way.

Then, a cage will drop from the ceiling and I will be trapped. But, I will not be trapped in the cage, because it will miss me - I will be trapped in the dark basement. Normally, you can come back the way you came, but the impossible will happen - the staircase will disappear. Actually, it won't disappear, even worse - it will exist no more.

So you want to know how I plan on getting out. Or rather how I will plan to get out. Well I don't know yet, I might tell you later when I return from this trip (although thats unlikely considering I will be trapped in some stupid basement). But you know, I am clever and I will think of something.

In the basement, I will find a telephone. But it won't work because it would not be plugged in. Why not plugged in? Because there would not be any sockets in the basement. (I doubt that there are any sockets now but who knows - strange things happen in these kinds of basements). In fact, I will find the telephone absolutely useless. Then, why am I telling you about this? Because I could sure use one now. Actually, the real reason why it would not be plugged in is because it is a cellphone.

Anyways, I will take out my trusty calculator and use it as a laser. This will blast a big hole in the wall. I will go through the hole and pass to the basement of my neighbour's house. You will find out what will happen to me next tomorrow.

Posted by Oleg Ivrii, 06:46 PM / Comments (5)

Monday, December 13, 2004

Oleg's Big Adventure (Part I)

What time is it? Why? Its Christmas time! Well, not exactly. There are just five more days of school left and so much things to do. Very cruel. This week, I will write an article every other day regarding my upcoming adventure. Today's Theme: Planning Ahead.

Some of you have already planned out your entire vacation. You know exactly what you are going to do - build a balloon, eat cake and play video games. The rest of you have not scheduled those things into your agenda but you are going to do them anyway (build a balloon, eat cake and play video games).

For me, this matter is kind of complicated because I planned out only one half of my vacation. That means I am not going to boldly march right into trouble but I will not meet too many surprises on may way either. You will get to decide the other half of my adventure in your commentary.

Soon, I will embark on one of those epic journeys where you find treasure. This isn't going to be one of those fake make money fast schemes because it actually is going to work (I hope). So I will arm myself with a flashlight, twelve cans of coke and my trusty calculator.

To get there, I will use (like any other great adventurer) a balloon. So will I fly the ever so friendly skies - but I am going to do it backwards. (Actually, this is sort of hard to achieve because a balloon is a perfect circle and you don't know which way is which, but I am clever, and I think I will figure it out when time comes.)

Well, X marks the spot. So, when I will find a big red X lying on the ground, I will start digging. I will convert cola and cake into energy and make a big hole in the ground. There, I will find a secret passage to the room with treasure. Except this passage will be very dark - oh wait, I have a flashlight, so this shouldn't be too much of a problem.

There will I meet my last challenge. I will find The Gamer's Man. The Gamer's Man is going transport me into the wonderful world of Halo 2. We shall play death match. And of course, since he is The Gamer's Man, he will be invincible. The only way to defeat him (of course!) is to flip a Warthog on top of him. (Well actually, you can also use a rocket launcher and blow him away to the moon too but I am 1337.) Then, invincibility will not save him and he will die. But this operation requires immense precision (because I will have to shoot the warthog on top of him at the exact angle of arcsin 1/7). But wait, did I say that I will have my trusty calculator with me as well?

Then, I guess, I will be rich. But, my story is far from over. More will come tomorrow. And it won't be over then. Such adventures come in THREE parts -- TRILOGY (Well what do you know?). Whatever happens - I am still going to build a balloon, eat cake and play video games. And no one is going to stop me.

Posted by Oleg Ivrii, 05:04 PM / Comments (2)

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