Oleg's Big Party

Vancouver - IPhO Team Training Camp at UBC

Amir and I left together from Pearson nice and early at 9am on the 9th of July. The five-hour flight arrived at about noon due to the time zone thing. We step off our tiny Air Canada jet, and who was there to meet us but Peter, whose plane had arrived a lot earlier from Calgary. Noemie, whose plane from Montreal arrived simultaneously, met up with us in baggage collection.

So, anyway, the four of us got our stuff and headed out of the airport together. We encounter, of course, the ever-present lineup of taxis waiting to take us to UBC. But Amir, eagle-eyed as ever, spots a sign in the distance that says “Limo service, $39.99 to downtown Vancouver.”

“Hey, we’re the IPhO team, we should roll up to the university in a limo!” Amir suggests. But I, being the stupid one, remind him that UBC isn’t exactly in downtown Vancouver, and so the ride would cost a lot more than 40 bucks - mistake No. 1. I remind everyone how we should make at least a decent impression on our team leader before acting like idiots. More on the “idiots” part next time. Of course, being as persuasive as I am, the rest of the team sides with me and Amir loses out on a limo ride.

So, we instead hop into the first taxi waiting in line. There are four of us so it’s a tight fit. The driver is of either Middle Eastern or Southeast Asian descent, and his radio is blasting out some decidedly ethnic tunes. I, being the classical music lover, tried unsuccessfully to stifle a chuckle… which causes the poor guy to turn off his radio.

It’s not long before we pull up to our destination, the Hebb Physics Building, which is unimpressive like all physics buildings are. Only math department buildings are uglier, I think… but I digress. We ask the driver for a receipt, since the Olympiad sponsors are supposed to be covering all of our expenses, and the driver asks whether we just want a blank one, which saves him trouble. Sure, we respond! What can go wrong with a carte blanche?

Well, a few things, actually! First, since it was a blank receipt, it was also unsigned. Now, physicists are smart fellows, so what would the team leader think if we gave him an unsigned receipt?? Ok, fine, so we’ll forge the signature. But there’s a problem - we don’t know his name, so what if someone calls the taxi company for confirmation? (Yes, we’re very paranoid people) No problem, we’ll make up a name!

After an intense brainstorming session, we decide that he looked kind of like an Arash… you know the times when you see someone, and you become convinced that he’s a Jason or a Michael or something? This was perhaps inspired by the fact that we had our very own Arash from National Olympiad Finals (back row, far right), although I don’t know whether the taxi driver bore any actual resemblance to him.

Ok, so we had a name… but who among us would be mischievous enough to be the author of this forgery? All eyes fell on me. Well, fine, I’ll do it, but I have to protect myself! What happens if the team leader is marking my paper, and realizes that the taxi driver’s handwriting looks remarkably similar to my own? Solution: I took a pen in my left (non-writing) hand, and scrawled out as illegibly as I could the word “Arash” on the signature line. Yes, our fictional taxi driver would be so illiterate that he knows only how to write his first name.

So we had a signature, but our problems weren’t over yet. Nobody remembered how much the taxi ride cost. Some entrepreneurial person among us suggested we can put an outrageous fare, say, $500, and make quite a handsome profit at the expense of our sponsors. But, remember I was the stupid one back when we wanted to take a limo, and I was the stupid one here also. I reminded everyone once again how angry-looking… just kidding =)… our team leader looked on the website photo, and how we should put at least minimal effort into making a good first impression. So, I write $30 on the receipt - mistake No. 2 - and we head off to meet our hosts.

Well, a few days later, our team leader asked us for our receipt. There were grins all around as I pulled out the receipt from “Arash” and warily handed it over. The team leader doesn’t even glance at it (we told him before it cost 30 bucks), and gives us 30 bucks.

Damn it!!! We should have at least gone for the limo ride… or made a few hundred bucks at our sponsors’ expense by committing fraud… but because of my TWO stupid mistakes, we didn’t even have that stupid receipt with nothing but “$30” and “Arash” scrawled on it anymore! Oh well, not to worry… we would have many more adventures in the upcoming days…